A difficult conversation

Julia Pinkham

Monday, July 29, 2024

Over the last few weeks, I've had a particular conversation on my mind. An unexpectedly difficult one. A conversation that I stepped into with anticipating difficulties. We began in different places, one wanting to help the other wanting help. I assumed we where on the same page, and perhaps we were, although on different sides. It seemed a trivial distinction at first, and we were talking in a collegial space. Yet, I'd failed to explore where they were coming from. Failed to take my own often advice it seemed. Wanting to help without perhaps earning the right. Assuming an invitation where none was offered.

We were both in tears. Mine from a deep sense of responsibility for the unintentional hurt. After the tears with talked of grace and forgiveness. Said our thank you's and moved off. Yet I felt the relationship damage and a need to heal that rift in this particular piece of our social fabric. I may get an opportunity to do so, but for now I wait.

I've thought about compassion since. That quality of willingness to relieve the suffering of others. And to be compassionate with self, myself, and refrain from the beating that I could so easily have given myself. How do I draw upon, and cultivate my own capacity for compassion? To see the hurt, and respond with grace, finesse, to soothe the pain in those wronged and also for the wrong-doer. How do I confront the unacceptable without judging? Perhaps we are really only able to change by first accepting the unacceptable. Meeting the situation, however unbearable, with a compassion for all. A compassion that creates the space for learning and growth.

I wonder if personal development ever comes without some emotion, with out some trauma. Perhaps not, perhaps we always need something to stop us in our tracks, to feel the pain, to push against - that demands that we think again, re-think ourselves. Real development can come with bruises!

bernie